Remembered days

If you could go back and relive only one day, what day would that be?

I’m not talking about changing that day, but reliving it in all of its glory. Every joy. Every hurt. Every choice you made on that day would be the same as it was. Would it be the day you met someone special like a future wife, a friend, or maybe the day you met Jesus? It might be a day your life changed and took a different or better direction. What would you want to do again, over and over, just to experience it one more time and feel the same way, to do the same thing? Would it be a childhood memory? Or perhaps watching someone die in peace. You might go back to the time you helped someone or when they helped you. Was it when you saw a rainbow for the first time? Or when you stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon watching the sunrise? Perhaps it was the day a medical test came back negative. Or when you read a great book. Maybe it’s when you graduated, or passed a test. A wedding day. A birthday. A quiet day in the woods. A great accomplishment. What is it that impacted your life more than any other day?

Snippets of memory come quickly to me. The day an old lady prayed for me. The day I accepted Christ as my Savior and sat on a curb and thanked Him. Oh, and the joy of swinging on a tire and playing games of pretend and adventure. and what joy I had riding a bicycle down a hill at full speed or watching a spider spin its web. Perhaps the day that stands out for me most is when I felt God’s love deeply in my heart in an hour of great need.

There are many days of remembrance. I’ll never forget when I watched my first child’s birth. Or that time I ventured to hold a hand for the first time. And definitely that first kiss. I remember someone’s laughter. And the first time when I realized someone really cared for me.

I remember a gloomy day when someone stepped into the room to get out of the rain and brightened my life. There are many great moments I would relive, but an entire day? That is more difficult.

Of course, there are many days I wish I had not lived. Days I did things I regret. Days where terrible things happened to me or to another. Sad days. Hurtful days. Life shattering days. Days that linger like a foul odor that will not go away. Even if it’s replaced with the finest perfume, the memory remains.  Like the day I walked away from someone I loved. Or the day I made an awful choice, or said something I could never take back. Sadly, I remember them all. The people, the choices, the pain, and the tears. It seems like the bad days are more powerful than the good ones. Looking for good days is sometimes like sifting through the haystack to find a needle suddenly becomes more like searching a needle stack to find a piece of hay.

Our yesterday’s are gone like a wisp of smoke in the wind and we are left grasping only air. We can’t go back, for better or worse. However, you take those days along with you and try to leave the bad days along the side of past roads that you wish you’d never walked down.

I never walked those roads alone. I know that. God was with me every step of the way. Although I cannot relive those good days, and try not to relive the bad days. I can still dance in the memories of love, grace, kindness, and joys of my life. And see those past defeats as the chipping away of a beautiful statue.

Would I go back? No, I do not wish to wallow in the mud of yesterday’s defeats, hurts, trauma, bad choices, and terrible tragedies. And will count the good memories as God’s blessings. Until one day when I invent time travel, I choose to trudge on, to live hoping for more pleasant and memorable days. Days I would wish to relive over and over.